Yacht Lifestyle

"Riding the ferry was not a 'yacht lifestyle.' The bins under the seats were marked LIFE JACKETS but should have been marked A HUNDRED RATS LIVE HERE. The ferry is known for its amazing views of the Statue of Liberty, but it's also a great place to watch a raccoon eat a passenger's leftover meth. And look, the raccoon is reading the New York Post! Cuuuuuuute!"
Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face

Ship Arrival

"If it sounds glamorous to arrive in Manhattan every morning via ship, let me assure you it was not. Even my immigrant ancestors arriving at Ellis Island would have seen me on the ferry and thought, There has to be a better way."
Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face

Staten Island Ferry

Staten Island Ferry (Pixabay)

"The Staten Island Ferry is the busiest passenger ferry in the world, with almost 25 million riders a year. By my own unofficial calculations, it also holds the record for “Most Exposed Public Restrooms” (somehow designed so that any casual passersby can see the entire bathroom, all of the stalls, and every single drag queen fixing her makeup in the mirror), as well as the record for 'Most Dead-Eyed Businessmen Staring at the Sea Contemplating Whether to End It.'"
Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face

New York Sunset

"You've never experienced a New York sunset until you've seen it from the deck of the Staten Island Ferry—as a seagull pukes up mouse bones onto your geometry textbook. You'll think, Are we in the Mediterranean? And a drunk ferry hand will burp, 'Naw, sweetie, that's the Hudson Bay. Where all of New York's sewers meet for breakfast!'"
Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face

New York Hardens You

"I take it for granted now, but New York is intense and overwhelming, especially when your brain is still developing. The shit you see—including many piles of actual human shit— definitely affects you and hardens you."
Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face